"If I keep going like this I am going to burnout. "
About a year ago, I started a new business venture but I wasn't feeling joy or pleasure. Instead I was feeling stress, pressure, and that what I was doing wasn't enough.
"I need more time, if I could just..."
If I could just.
Those words were a signal to me that what I was doing wasn't working. Those words were an indication that what I was doing for my business wasn't in alignment with my life or who I am. I was doing everything that the successful business coaches were telling me to do but nothing felt right. Everything felt like a fight - a struggle.
I must be doing something wrong. It must be me.
But there was nothing wrong with me. I was just making the wrong choices for me and not listening to my intuition, my inner voice. My body knew the answers but my brain wasn't paying attention.
And having enough of being ignored, my body woke me up in the middle of the night in order to be heard, to write my truth.
I can't do this anymore.
I do not need to constantly set goals in order to be a "success". Success, for me, is time and breathing space. Joy and fulfillment. Feeling safe to express my truth. Celebration and enjoyment of my efforts. Free from stress, pressure, and expectations.
The ones who go, go, go exhaust me. I am happy for their success but if I use their methodology I end up feeling like I am not enough and not doing enough. The Type A coaches that I follow encourage me to go hard, crush my goals, push through the fear, don't lose momentum.
I thought I was a type A because I am good at working hard and being productive and they are so inspirational and I wanted to soak up their magic. But I am not like them. It's not who I am.
I am a scenic route kind of gal. I like taking my time, enjoying the view, making pit stops, savouring the journey, following my curiosity, rolling down the windows and breathing deeply. On the scenic route, I am grateful.
The fast lane, or freeway, makes me impatient, frustrated, angry, and nothing ever ends up feeling good enough. Go, go, faster, faster, get to the destination, keep your head down and ignore the distractions. Keep the eye on the prize. Hustle, crush, slay, nail it!
Ugggghhhhh! I crave 3 hour lunches and ending the work day when I say it's done. I want to create space for enjoyment and pleasure without the judgement of "must be nice". Sovereign boundaries and no more people pleasing. When I am sitting, not looking productive, please do not ask me what is next. Leave me alone. Let me be. I will get there when I get there.
I didn't heed my inner voice. I didn't trust myself and I didn't know anyone who was successfully living a scenic route life.
Eventually, I did end up burning out and it took me a few months of doing as little as possible to recover.
A year later and here I am, once again, starting something new. Smarter and more aware this time. Following my intuition and making choices that align with my desire for a scenic route life. It will be a process of trial and error, of curiosity and discovery, and I am looking forward to the journey. It might take me longer, but I will reach my destination, in my good time. I will get there when I get there.