"You're Looking At Me" - Diana Krall

The more time I spent with myself, the more I realized i had no idea who I was outside of my identities.

Wife

Mother

Daughter

Friend

Singer

Life Coach

Voice Coach

Clairaudient

Crafty-Pants

Arty-Farty

Woo-woo

All of these identities and roles that I donned to boost myself up because I didn’t know who that self was or if she was even good enough as is.

My self worth was a shantytown of beliefs, built with leftover materials and scraps, put together is a slapdash fashion, ready to fall down at the slightest storm.

And a storm was coming.

Ready to blow it down and level it.

As much as I thought I had been putting myself out into the world I was still hiding - afraid.

Afraid to share my thoughts, feelings and ideas in a public arena.

Hiding behind the symbolism of songs or the imagery of instagram posts.

I was ready to strip everything away and put myself at the the top of the list, willing to be an imperfect work in progress instead of a perfect version of who I thought I should be.

But being myself never felt like an appropriate choice, which wasn't helped by the many who were only too happy to let me know that I was too much, too loud, too “out there”.

One time, during an energy meridian reading, the practitioner paused and muttered “huh, that’s interesting.”

Dear gawd I was so tired of interesting.

“You, my dear, are a Queen.” (Not really! Strictly from an energetic/woo-woo place.)

To quote the film The Princess Diaries, “Just in case I wasn’t enough of a freak already, let’s add a tiara!”

I wanted to fit in and belong. I was tired of being different.

But fighting my “too much” personality was exhausting and I had finally wore myself out and surrendered.

But I was afraid of fully embracing it out of fear of the possible repercussions.

Tuning back in to my intuition, I got out of my own way and let the Universe show me the next step.

And what I found scared the shit out of me.

KatreinComment